"Don't be afraid..."

I couldn’t sleep last night. There’s been so much on my mind lately that it caused me to just toss and turn in the dark. Once again I was letting stress, fear, and discouragement take control of my thoughts. I finally switched on the light and grabbed whichever book was closest to me. “Voices of the Faithful - Inspiring Stories of Encouragement from Christians Serving Around the World.” Since it’s a daily devotional, I decided to read ahead for the next day, January 19th. The scripture at the top of the page read:

“I have taken you from the ends of the earth and called you from its most distant places. I said to you, ‘You are my servant. I’ve chosen you; I haven’t rejected you. Don’t be afraid, because I am with you. Don’t be intimidated; I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will support you with my victorious right hand... Don’t be afraid; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:9-10,13b (NIV)

With that alone I got chills and my heart started racing. I kept reading. The devotional was written by a deaf woman named Sheri who serves in Central, Eastern, and Southern Africa. She painted a picture of how the fear of homesickness almost stopped her from serving on the mission field. After reading the above scripture, she handed that fear over to the Lord, and is now serving in multiple areas in Africa, ministering the hearing impaired. “Yes, I still experience homesickness, but the Lords sustains me through these times...” I could feel the tears starting to well up. I too get homesick. It’s not that I don’t love being here, and it’s definitely not that I don’t love the kids I work with, but sometimes it’s tough. I’m young. I’m single. (Not complaining.) And some days I’m an emotional wreck. It’s those days I end up slumping on the couch just wishing I could get a hug from my momma, just wanting to be home.

There was a prayer at the bottom of the page, “Father, strengthen Your servants who are homesick and meet all their emotion needs. Thank You that You will never leave us...” And after reading that, I not only felt a weight being lifted off of my chest but was filled with love. HE loves me and begs me not to be afraid. He will help me. 

I realized that it is ok to be homesick sometimes. I’ve tried so hard to hide my emotions and make everyone believe that everyday that I’ve Uganda alone has been pure bliss and happiness. It’s ok that it’s been rough at times. I shouldn’t feel guilty when I crave McDonald’s, or want to watch football with my family, or just want to put on my headphones and head to the gym. But I’ll be able to do that again someday. 

I want to thank the friends who have been encouragers during my time here. You have NO IDEA what it means to me. The people who send me sweet little messages that don’t just say “I miss you. Come home.” I know I am where God has called me to be but just like you get stressed out with school or work, I have my moments here too... they are just a bit more intense. I’m no superhero. Just a normal girl who loves the Lord and I pray that every day I have positively impacted at least one life.

What was also encouraging, that as I laid there at 3:30am Uganda time (8 hrs ahead of my East Coast friends) I realized that whoever was going to be reading from this book, this devotion today, would be praying for people like me. Wow! People all around the world would be praying for ME and MY homesickness! So I want to also ask you today, please keep me and all other missionaries who are out doing God’s work in your prayers. Some have found home right where they are, while others, like me are new to this or just have those days that they wish could spend time with their loved ones. Or get some Starbucks.

You all have really been amazing. Thank you for all your love and support. God isn’t finished with me here yet!

Joy & Love,

Haley