Awaken My Heart.

I love sleep. I mean, come on, who doesn’t? I will find every excuse not to go to sleep but when it comes to getting up in the morning, I want to hang a giant “Do not disturb!” sign across my face until I am ready to wake up.

Between jet lag, laying awake at night thinking, and long days here in Uganda, I have had a hard time being the early riser I need to be. So when the kids started school this week, I was not excited about the house coming alive with 22 little ones between the ages of 6 and 12 at the seldomly seen hour of 5am. I knew we had to be in the car by 7am, so my goal was to at least be conscious and decent by 6:45...

By the time I dragged myself around getting ready, the kids had already gotten dressed, eaten breakfast, and washed their dishes all by themselves! Hair was combed, teeth were brushed and most of them were patiently waiting to be on their way.

By the time we played human Tetris getting all 22 plus 2 adults into a 15 passenger van, I was ready for sleep again! We started the 20 minute ride to school. Benjah (orange jacket), who was somewhere lost in the sea of faces behind me, said a prayer for our day and our travels. Ok, I thought, nap time! It was then that every little voice in the car burst out in song, “Good morning Jesus! Good morning Lord!...” My eye bounced back open and chills covered my body. 

They continued to sing and sing in (almost) perfect harmony all the way to school. As soon as one song ended someone else would start leading their favorite song next. My eyes filled with tears and my heart fluttered as the sun still rose and the streets starting filling with the hustle and bustle of a new day.

And to just think, I almost missed this moment because I thought I was too tired. It made me wonder how many other blessings I’ve missed in life while “sleeping.” What if there were hundreds of opportunities for God to do amazing things in my life, but instead I selfishly chose to be lazy because it would take me out of my comfort zone. When I’m asleep in the spirit, I don’t give God the opportunity to act and reveal miracles in my life. 

I so quickly ask God to do things for me. I want Him to show me His power and prove Himself over and over by doing things my way when I want them. Yet, I sleep. And when I don’t see His miracle, I get frustrated.

The singing continued and Joann belted out, “My greatest miracle is already here!...” A smile crept across my face. God has put so many miracles in my life. I am living one right now! But because I haven’t rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and it’s not exactly in the form I expected it, I don’t realize it. What other miracles in disguise am I not letting God reveal to me? How can I be more open to being completely awake and ready for Him to do amazing things in my life?

I’m excited to see what the next 6 months in Uganda bring. I pray that I will be completely awake and susceptible to God’s voice the miraculous things He will be doing in my life and how I can impact those around me through Him.

And to think, I almost missed this moment because I thought I was too tired. It made me wonder how many other blessings I have missed in life while “sleeping.” What if there were hundreds of opportunities for God to do amazing things in and around me, but instead I selfishly chose to be lazy and fearful because it would take me out of my comfort zone. When I am asleep in the spirit, I don’t give God the opportunity to act and reveal miracles in my life. 

So quickly I ask God to do things for me. I want Him to show me His power and prove Himself over and over by doing things my way when I want them. Yet, I sleep. And when I never see His miracle, I get frustrated.

The singing continued and Joann belted out, “My greatest miracle is already here!...” A smile crept across my face. God has put so many miracles in my life. I am living one right now! But because I haven’t rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and it’s not exactly in the form I expected, I don’t recognize it. What other miracles in disguise am I not letting God reveal to me? How can I be more open to being completely awake and ready for Him to do amazing things in my life?

I am so excited to see what the next 6 months in Uganda bring. I pray that I will be completely awake and susceptible to God’s voice, the miraculous things He will be doing in my life and how I can impact those around me through Him.

Psalm 108

“My heart is steadfast, O God: I will sing and make music with all my soul. Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn. I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. for great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens, and let your glory be over all the earth.”

Fear.

For so long when asked, “What is your biggest fear?” I could never come up with an answer.  I couldn’t think of one situation that even just the thought of made me break out in a cold sweat or made my stomach do flip flops. I was tough and proclaimed that with God on my side, I couldn’t fear a thing. 

Fear consumed me my first night in Uganda. I had been traveling for over 24 hours with only a few head nods of sleep here and there. I walked into the house in the middle of the night greeted with a welcoming committee of ten to fifteen kids. I missed these little faces, they hugged me, had my room neatly decorated with Welcome Back letters and made it feel like even though it had been over 5 years since being there, I didn’t miss a beat.

Just a few months before, I had so confidently made the decision to spend six months of my life back in the little town in Uganda. I left the day after my 25th birthday and was excited about taking this huge leap of faith that I had been praying about since the last time I was here. The Lords hand was in every step of the planning process. But as the days got closer to leave home, a knot in my stomach formed. With each step closer, even seeing God’s hand all over it, I was getting scared. 

My first night here, as I said goodnight to the children and shut the door to my room, that growing knot became overwhelming. I flopped on the bed and burst into tears. Was it too late to go home now? Is this really where I’m supposed to be? What if I’ve made a mistake?

Fear consumed me. I all of a sudden felt completely inadequate for the job and asked God why He was asking this of me. I wanted my family. I didn’t even know what my real purpose here was yet. Tears rolling down my face I went to my journal and Bible and prayed. 

It wasn’t until the next evening, while lying awake in bed, that God lead me to Psalm 91. Though the entire chapter is beautiful, three verses took my breathe away...

“Because [she] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue [her]; I will protect [her]; for she acknowledges my name. [She] will call upon me and I will answer [her]; I will be with [her] in trouble, I will deliver [her] and honor [her]. With long life I will satisfy [her] and show [her] my salvation.”

A sudden peace fell over my heart. I felt God whisper, “Haley do you love me?” Yes, God. “Haley, do you acknowledge me?” Of course. “Ok then. I will rescue you. I will protect you. I will answer your call. I will be with you in trouble. I will deliver you and honor you. And I will satisfy you with long life and my salvation. Do you understand my beloved?” 

If I’m willing to love and trust my Lord, He is willing to do so much for me. What in the world would stop me from following Him and obeying His call on my life? How are those promises in Pslam 91 not the ultimate form of love from God? All of a sudden the fear that just moments ago was crippling my heart was making this heart of mine anxious with anticipation and excitement of the things God had in store for my life. 

I know these days are not going to be easy, but I have a God who has promised to be with me. His love for me will not change for me whether I cower in the corner or boldly put on the armor of God, but His promises will stand true when I do take those bold steps. So here is my life Lord, you have my full trust and love. Let me shine for you.

The wait is over...

Dear Family, Friends, 

and Friends who are Family,

I’ve been wanting to share with you what God has been doing in my life lately!

Next week I will be returning to  Answering for the Children Ministries, a children’s home in Jinja, Uganda. Six years ago, I volunteered at this same children’s home and fell in love. The children were beautiful, the people were so warm and inviting, and the land itself was breathtaking. Yet disease and war have torn this country apart. I knew at a fairly young age that God has called me onto the mission field, and though I have still yet to discover the full capacity of that calling, I know the little country of Uganda has a big part in it. 

I leave September 10th and will be serving for six months in Uganda. While there, I will be working along side the director of the home and assisting her in all aspects of running the home and taking care of the 30 children. I will also be the kids’at home tutor and be able to pour into those who need extra help in school. The love and mercy of Jesus Christ shines so brightly in each of their little faces. Each child’s testimony is a reminder of how God plans to prosper, not to harm us and to give us hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Please pray for me as I work with these children who have come out of life altering situations. Each child has a story, and each of those stories matter to God. I hope to be able to show them the love and encouragement they need to use their testimonies, even at their young age, to become strong Christian leaders in their country.

While in Uganda, I will also be exploring opportunities for my own ministry. I know God has called me for something big and I believe that in these next six months He will lift the veil and reveal His perfect plan for my life. 

Thank you for supporting me throughout the years. Being obedient is scary, especially when you are called as a single woman away from your family and friends. But God has been so faithful in the past as long as I live on complete faith, obedience, and trust Him for all of my needs. 

It will not cost much for me to to live in Uganda. At about $300 a month I can cover all of my expenses while living at the children’s home and eating with the kids every day. I would also love to bless the children by buying new beds for each of them, which will cost about $45 a piece. If you would like to make a contribution to my work or buy a bed for a child, the kids and I would love to send you pictures and a thank you card! You have no idea what kind of impact you will have on these little lives! Every little bit counts!

Please pray for me as I minister to these 30 children and the community around me. Pray that God will use me in ways that I didn’t even know I was equipped or called for and that I will be able to make an impact on the next generation of leaders of this small country in Africa!

Thank you again for believing in me and the call God has put on my life. I can’t wait to share with you how God uses me and how YOU have changed lives around the world by supporting me.

Joy & Love,

Haley